Something's back....

I'm back and intend to do a post of some sort at least once a week. Yay for good intentions! 

I've got this fancy new app that allows me to post on the fly. Woo Hoo! 

So here's what has been happening visually in the deathtrap cave o'paint today. (I hope. I'm testing out this new app thing I mentioned so if this post is rubbish blame the technologists.)

Moral mathematics of life 75cm x 100 cm oil on canvas

I finally got this work back from London. A dear friend was looking after it for me. I've not been happy with it so I'm adding to it. That's what the purple, yellow and pale grey bits are. They are improving it! Seriously! Gah! Forget you!

Also worked on today was  

The heart shape thingy (technical art term) was naff so I re-did it. But looking at both options, I want the black back. 

So here's to next week and more paint filled frolics in the meantime.

something about the vexed and the painted

At last a sunny warm day. So naturally I retreated to familiar smells and sights of the cave o' paint. The ongoing saga of my two main works in progress. I could ramble on at length just to fill whitespace, but I'd rather just show and tell.

Rule 102 (working title) 48" x 30", oil on canvas. 

I've got lots to do on this - I spent roughly an hour staring at this and about 2 hours painting today. I think it's coming on well, the eye for one thing needs a lot of work. There will be a lot of echoing of shapes and probably more definition and use of the rule 102. 

Then I got vexed at this work below. 

l//k/b/bh//s/, 30" x 48" oil on canvas

It's not very obvious from the photo but collectively the number of edges that are off, are enoug to throw complete sections out of whack with the rest of the image. I have a few ideas on how to handle this, but if they fail I'll either gesso over the whole thing or just parts of it. Painting this has taught me a number of things. Things that are hard to express verbally, but I want to try a lot of ideas out on  a smaller scale. 

Well thanks for reading and iI hope your day and all future days are productive. 

Something about doubt and drawing

I've  had a bad week or so. It has been up and down. But I want to talk to you about drawing, more importantly what's going on in my head as I draw. 

Today I got back to my sketchbook work. I need to improve. The core element to help an artist to improve is drawing from observation. My mirror kept falling over, and I do have access to a willing model. The next best thing was the internet. So I have used the work of Peter Hapak and his photo of Wallace Shawn for TIME magazine ( "Pack Your (Book) Bag," July 11, 2011 issue.) 

Here's the image

View fullsize

Wallace Shawn by Peter Hapak for TIME  From "Pack Your (Book) Bag," July 11, 2011 issue.

You may recognise him from 'The Princess Bride' and his voice from Rex in Toy Story. I love his face here. 
My humble attempts to copy the photo are below. I'm not going to talk about the flaws in the drawings more about the thoughts that ran through my mind when I was drawing it.

View fullsize

This was about 2 and a 1/2 hours.

After I put my kids to bed I logged another 1/2 hour. This is about as good as I can get it. To be honest I prefered it before I put another 1/2 hour into it.

When drawing I have the same thoughts, first it starts with ' I wonder what x will think of this drawing? Will they like it..will they...FOCUS.' I have to think about things like 'This line is roughly twice that and this angle is roughly 20 degrees..' and other such technical thoughts. Then comes the wave of :
' I'll never be as good as those hyperrealistic artists, why am I bothering.'
' This isn't even your style Cathal you're more semi abstract, so why are you bothering.'
 'It's as good as you can get it. Stop.'
'You can't draw like this, stop.'
' Shut up brain. Working here.'
5 minutes later the doubt cycle kicks in again. I keep resisting the doubt and fail voice because I care and I want to get better at this. 
I know that voice is the voice of fear. Fear I'll fail. Fear I'll get laughed at. Fear of pushing myself. 

Well I'm pushing myself because I care, I'm aiming to improve I'll only fail if stop trying to improve. As long as I try I'll improve slowly or quickly, but I'll improve. Laughed at well I've been laughed at lots.(usually because I look ridiculous.) And as Adam Ant sung,  
'Prince Charming
Ridicule is nothing to be scared of,'

I'm no Prince and my charms are questionable, but I agree 'Ridicule is nothing to be scared of,'

Something about how things have been

Ah due to  my anxiety and depression cocktail I've really just been painting and painting. Painting without a view to selling or anything. I now have a huge backlog of work to photograph properly and post. 

I use to sell prints as I was concerned about not being able tokeep stock levels up. But that doesn't seem to be a problem so now I've decided to stop selling prints of my work. (I don't sell that (m)any anyway) 

My stocktaking is in disarray, I've painted pieces and gave them away. I've painted works and just not bothered to store them and subsequently stood on or in some other way destroyed them. It's not a thing I feel bad about. It's just a thing. I know that is highly unprofessional,  but it's  just how things  have been.

Since November it's not been about selling work , it's been about making and making. The act of creation, of painting that has been my focus. It's a  clichè I know but the act of painting calms me.  Daft I know. 
 

I'm feeling more like the old me, still a grumpy arse, but definitely back on track. 
Have an old image that's been on my mind a lot, to look at with your eyes.